Really Big River Announces New IoT In-Home Sales Program

Big River IOT
Brian McCowan, ERS, for Zondits

Earlier today, Really Big River, a new subsidiary of a large retailer that has not yet been identified, announced a new in-home sales program that is enhanced with the Internet of Things (IoT) targeted marketing. “Some of the older staff in our company fondly remember the door-to-door salespeople who visited their homes to sell their parents various products, including encyclopedias, vacuum cleaners, household cleaning supplies, and even fresh vegetables,” stated unit head Bill Loman at the press announcement. He went on to explain that this new sales effort is an enhanced version of that traditional sales approach. “With all the in-home information-gathering devices at our fingertips, we no longer need to profile customers based on their neighborhood, home value, or other soft intelligence. Thanks to webcams, security systems and cameras, smart thermostats and refrigerators, connected garage-door openers, cloud-connected lightbulbs, fitness wristwatches, etc., we now know exactly what the homeowner is lacking for a happy modern lifestyle. On top of that, we also know exactly when people are home and when the home is empty. This is a huge save on the productivity front.”

When asked about privacy concerns, Loman said their research showed that most people liked the fact that salespeople would know their needs, sometimes even before they did. “Why else would all of those homeowners have electronically signed away their privacy rights to that information? In today’s world, I think we can all see that privacy is overrated.” When pressed further about the possibility that the information of when homes are empty could be hacked and used for home break-ins, Loman appeared frustrated. “You people are so negative. We would simply view that as an opportunity to sell an enhanced alarm system.”

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